Men 1XI
Matches
Sat 12 Nov 2016  ·  Premier Division 1
Banbury
3
6
Milton Keynes Hockey Club
Men 1XI
V Pretorius (7'), M L (20'), J Dodd (55'), S Ruse (60'), L Foster (70'), (65')
MKHC 1st team take all the points away at Banbury

MKHC 1st team take all the points away at Banbury

Mikey Gilson18 Nov 2016 - 09:07
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https://www.mkhockey.co.uk/tea

Have you seen my banana?

Milton Keynes Mens 1s were flying high after their 7-0 destruction of Guildford last week, but just 7 days later they came crashing back down to reality. One of their pillars of excellence had crumbled; having set themselves the objective to be the most eco friendly team in the league; just like their cup run it was all over in one game, when 12 separate cars made their way to Banbury (perhaps a stand of solidarity to Nick Andersons other half voting* Trump in the recent US elections).

Not a great start for the New Management team of Scott and Alex who will be looking to assure we maintain our other pillars of excellence, such as time management... Coach Luke was delayed and looked sheepish when he realised new management were already there and one of them was wielding a clipboard shaking his head** The last to arrive was perpetual bad boy, mad dog Myles, Alex dared not say a thing in case he flipped and broke his other wrist. Andy almost piped up, but one look from the northerner sent him packing for the toilet again.

The team talk was clear, Captain Ginge wanted vengeance after our cup defeat to Banbury earlier in the season, fortunately for us Danny was absent through injury so things were looking good. We left the changing room to Scotts dulcet tones singing a rendition of “Return of the Mack… to Banbury hockey club this season”.

The game started brilliantly (not for MK) with a slick move down the left wing resulting in an unmarked forward deflecting the ball high into the roof of the net… 1-0 Banbury. Just three minutes later a turned over ball in the MK half was quickly pounced upon by a Banbury forward who dispatched to make it 2-0 to Banbury after just 5 minutes, this was not the start MK had hoped for. With a rallying shout of Vengeance MK came to life when Mikey drove into the D and slipped the ball to Vinny who calmly lifted it over the diving keeper 2-1 (his shooting would not be quite so good that evening).

Both teams started to settle into the game at this point and it was at the twenty minute mark where some great individual skill from the Return of the Ali Mack turned his player inside out to win a corner. The flick from Jamie was well saved by the keeper, but fell to Mad dog who finished well and howled in delight 2-2. The fans went wild all four of them one of them even responded to the mad dogs call with a howl of their own.

Half time came and the scores were level. Coach Luke knew the way to win this stalemate 5-2, so he told us, but with it came a warning if we didn’t listen and do what he said we would lose the game 4-3, to be honest I’m not sure why he didn’t tell us this before the game.

Following the new game plan and supplemented by some very tireless running by Ben, Frazer, Steve Milton Keynes soon found themselves creating some great chances. The first of these chances came after some great support running by Mikey was squandered due to Liam passing the ball under his stick*** when he had the goal gaping. The second chance came when Steve played a delightful ball to the back post where the umpire falsely accused Vince of miss controlling it with his foot when in fact he had punched it over the backline, I think we can class that as a moral victory to Vince. The third chance fell to Grant, who had definitely been told by the coach to get forward and support the attack and when he found himself unmarked in the D he unselfishly sent the ball to the back post rather than unleash his howitzer****.

After spurning three great chances it was down to Gage in goal to keep them in it with some smart saves. A backline of Grant, Myles, Nick, Mystic Meg and Ben were left to marshall the defence while Coops went to refuel on the sideline.

After a swift counter attack Milton Keynes won themselves a short corner, Jamie switched his stick to armour piercing rounds and flicked the ball through the left hand postman to make the score 3-2.

Milton Keynes continued to push forward looking to put the game out of reach of Banbury and five minutes later after a great run by Ali into the 25 he crossed the ball, which was redirected into Steve’s path, he stopped and coolly turned the keeper to push into an empty net 4-2. The 5th came not long after when Tom Anderson originally dropped, but strong-armed back into the squad by old management for the cost of a MOM vote won the ball in midfield. Tom played a snazzy pass to Steve who’s shot was saved by the keeper only for it to fall to Liam who put it away 5-2.

In a recent scientific experiment it was noted that there is a “direct correlation between the amount of goals scored and the length of a players beard, the longer the beard the more goals scored, simple.” Sample size 1 person and 2 games. FACT. If the facts were to be believed this was not to be his last of the day.

It was in fact a cleanly shaven Banbury player who scored the next goal. which was probably the reason he was left unmarked in the D either that or the defence being distracted by Coops asking them if they had seen his banana***** 5-3 the score thus ruining Lukes half time prediction.

Luckily for us science is real whereas mysticism isn’t and Liams beard length dictated he would score another and that he did! Slick work down the right baseline from Jamie gave the bearded one a tap in at the back post. 6-3.

The final whistle went and everyone rejoiced for they knew the beers would taste that much sweeter.

Banbury are one of the most hospitable clubs in the South and despite losing to us today once again showed the gentleman they are. In respect of this fact the item of the week was to be a Jazzy shirt: “nothing is too Jazzy” Liam 2016’ so we donned our best and awaited to hear the result of the Banbury players man of the match. Mad dog was the happy recipient of a bottle of red, perhaps not for his performance, but the threats he had made during the game.

DOD was awarded to Mikey and so he donned the Unicorn outfit, which was lucky as before the game he had his shirt stolen off his back by a Hawk. Honourable mentions go to Coops for losing his banana during the game and Mad dog for breaking Alex’s wrist midweek and asking what the minutes silence was before the game.

MOM was a four way tie between Gage (good saves), Steve (tireless), Liam (goal and beard), Frazer (he worked hard). A four way arm wrestle to take the fantasy points ensued with underdog Steve taking the crown with a Lincoln Hawk****** inspired performance.

*source may need verifying as I’m not sure a Canadian living in the UK gets a vote in the US elections, but who am I to doubt something said in fines.
**in hindsight it was clear he was actually just bamboozled by the statistics sheet.
***some might consider Mikey missed it, but the original statement does hold true, as it did pass under his stick.
**** perhaps distracted by an Australian shouting at him to get back in defence.
***** they hadn’t 
****** Sylvester Stallone character film about arm wrestling called Over the Top – don’t watch it.



If you weren’t on the social then it’s probably worth stopping here as it probably won’t make much sense to you


Now thats the hockey done, over to the main event… two fiercely contested games of half cut planet lazer. We took a strong squad of 13 losing our very own banana seeking man for the one and only banana man.

Game 1 – Defence vs Attack

Attack Wins(Red Team)

Position Red Team (Attack)Green Team (Defence)
1Tramp001
2Rolf HarrisJudas
3StalloneCommander
4Stable BoySh*t break
5The beardSommelier
6UnicornJuggernaut
7Hawaii

Game 1 – Youth vs Experience

Experience Wins (Red Team)

Position Red Team (Age)Green Team (Beauty)
1Sh*t breakStable Boy
2JuggernautSommelier
3001Commander
4TrampRolf Harris
5UnicornJudas
6HawaiiStallone
7The beard

Highlights…Scott running into a wall…Liam being shot 63 times by Scott…Scott giving us all a lesson in man to man marking...drinking tinnies on a bench and being ask to leave…Ali drawing the 9.3% halftime lager then coming first in the second game …When splitting the teams into age order Vinny asking the captain to see his birth certificate (have fun playing for the twos next week)…live tweet updates during speed dating in pizza express…craft beer...finding out you had gone to pinks

Match details

Match date

Sat 12 Nov 2016

Kickoff

TBC

Attendance

4

Competition

Premier Division 1

League position

9
Banbury
10
Milton Keynes
Team overview
Further reading