Redbeard on the redways

Close to the 50th anniversary of the creation of Milton Keynes, the heroes dressed in claret were full of pride in their town. Whilst the town is often the butt of many roundabout-centric jokes, it boasts exceptional access to the A5, a ski slope with very low avalanche risk and is home to the hub of British badminton.

Equine enthusiast and dirty hat wearing mockney Jamie Dodd can certainly attest to the fact that “this ain’t no one horse town”.

So it was the a team travelled to fortress Woughton from little-known London, a modest city 50 miles to the south of Milton Keynes, presumably established to promote cheap housing for those commuting to MK from the south.

After a difficult away fixture early in the season when Milton Keynes were finding their feet under a new regime , The Knights of the Round Roundabout were keen to show just why they are up in the heady heights of the mid-table, with a particularly strong entry in the “Goals For” column. With skipper Tom Murtagh absent, the next most ginger player, Redbeard Foster was at the helm.

The game got underway.

The early exchanges were forgettable, but some neat work on the right from Milton Keynes gave them an early lead after the ball from Andy Pettefer made it across, ballooned up and was smashed home by Stephen Ruse.

One fan was overheard saying “that was just like Pete Sampras, but with a much less hairy chest. I wonder how he achieves that…”

MKHC kept turning the screw, with Stone, Locke, Ian “only scores on the road” Cooper and N.Anderson providing a firm base from which the midfield of Dodd and T.Anderson could create chances and Vince could merrily go around concussing all who came near him.

With a heap of bodies in his wake, Pretorius then charged forward, played the ball into Foster who was taken down by the keeper.

Alessandro Bianchi watched from the other end as Leroy Foster demonstrated his Specialized skills, gave the keeper a Look, then fired it into the net before the long Trek back to the halfway line.

The first half featured few other moments of note apart from an unnecessary volley from Pettefer, showing MK’s dominance as he shouted “you don’t need to take the tube if your road network functions!”

London Wayfarers scored at some point.

The half time talk was broadly positive and the sweets were delicious.

Shortly after the interval, Mikey Goalson turned Mikey Assistson, winning a short corner. Captain Foster’s eyes lit up like the front or rear lights that can be attached to any Boardman or Cervelo bike and he stepped up. Using sound logic, knowing it’s hard to put the ball over or wide if you aim in the middle of the goal on the ground, Foster fired between the keeper’s legs and wheeled off.

The game continued with MK showing they could take it up a gear when required. After a brief spell on the side, A.McColl exploded onto the pitch as Milton Keynes launched a ferocious attack up the right, then linked up with F.McColl who slapped home disdainfully. The crowd, mostly consisting of McColls, went wild, but the umpires had other ideas and the goal was disallowed due to whistleblowing issues. The umpiring association is nothing if not assiduous in its adherence to a clear whistleblowing policy.

MK were unperturbed though and marched forward again, this time with an attack from the left as Leroy beat two players as cunningly as a Muddy Fox, got on his bike up the wing then, “Straight off his Brompton”, fired the ball across the circle for Mikey Assistson to deflect neatly into Vince Pretorius’ path for an easy finish.

The game was then hanging in the balance at 4-1 and the crowd were on edge. How would Milton Keynes be able to conjure up a decisive 5th goal?

Again it was up the right…

(to the tune of “We’re on the ball” by Ant & Dec, you know the bit that starts “Neville to Campbell”)

It’s Stoney to Mylo,

Mylo to Cooper,

Cooper to Nandos

Nandos – Jamie.

Jamie to Frazer

Frazer to Mikey

Mikey to Yaya – it’s a goal! 5-1!