A tyresome weekend for British drivers

At the end of a month which had featured 3 wins and 1 defeat for the valiant Knights of the Round Roundabout, MK had good reason to feel hopeful. If MK had an Autumn Statement, it would have read "There certainly hasn't been any austerity on the goals front! Am I right!?"

This positive mood was enhanced by a productive morning in Rutland, where hair had been cut and tyres freshly pumped up to the perfect level on a vehicle that was, some say, designed by hockey playing Swedes in order to accommodate famous goalkeeper Sven Gagesson and his ample baggage.

Minor delays north of Fortress Woughton meant the Yayamobile arrived in all its hearsey glory at 11.05. This delay was so minor that Myles "Mad Dog" Locke audibly laughed. In fact he was actually hysterical. Fellow players tried to calm him down and eventually when Ben Northedge raised his fists, Mad Dog instantly regained control of himself and sheepishly shuffled into the very roomy backseat.

Administrative guru Mikey Goalson was also upbeat, as MK had regained their environmental credentials. But the shared car scheme proved to be like a Frazer McColl video, initially so promising, before a massive cock-up.

The noble and honest tyres of the Best Used Estate title at the annual What Diesel? Car of the Year Awards were making light work of the M1, and were 44 miles from the destination with approximately 2 hours to go until the meet time, let alone push back.

Then disaster struck. In the outside lane (racy, but still smooth), just as Gagé remarked "This car wouldn't fit in at Goodwood; they'd have to invent a new gathering called Greatwood for it!", the front left tyre ran over something as sharp as the wit of a young Ian Cooper.

The driver, continuing his Man of the Match winning form from the previous week, safely guided the vehicle into the hard shoulder, ensuring all passengers were safe.

Long story short, instead of getting a warm up, Gagé, Andersons N and T and Mad Dog got a thorough cooling down, with an extended wait on the hard shoulder. Northern coldness expert Myles Locke verified this as "like home".

The rest of the team were said to be so inconsolable that they completely forgot the rule of DoD that had so effectively saved horse whisperer only a week before.

Push back was rightly delayed with MK so fearful for the safety of their teammates.

Milton Keynes understandably struggled, having had a compromised or non-existent warm up and, whilst some say one shouldn't make excuses, this could be a rather dark read without making light of the events that followed and wantonly apportioning blame to everyone but ourselves.

With Elliot Daly sent off early in the rugby, England were down to 14 men and Old Cranleighans capitalised on this by scoring an early goal.

Milton Keynes were not rattled and rebuilt, with pressure and grit creating a diamond of a chance for Brett Holland, which hit the post from "closer than Coops' goal against Havant" and a pearl of a finish from skipper Tom Murtagh.

Murtagh on the Orient Express? More like Murtagh on the goal train!

Milton Keynes showed signs of recovery, with defenders Northedge and Cooper settling nicely into the game and Frazer, suffering from man flu, patrolling in front.

Then, relieving some gentle pressure, Andrew Pettefer sent a beautiful aerial pass to screen Tom Anderson, which he brought down neatly then turned to feed to the right. He then saw Webster flying up the outside...

"Flying up the outside... that's what my car was doing when...", choking up like Spurs in April, Anderson's pass was absolutely awful, and fed OC's onrushing midfielder. Despite the best efforts of the defence to jump back and stay in the contest, the score went to 2-1.

Half time.

Milton Keynes were grumpy. Not their usual jolly selves at all. I'm not sure what we can blame this on, but it probably wasn't anyone's fault. With such a large contingent of alumni of coastal universities, the recent supermoon's effect on the tides had clearly had an unsettling effect.

Then, like a horse's hoof through the back of a horse box, MK pierced the OC defence. Mad Dog Locke had shaken off the chill and did one of his patented long passes up to Ali McColl, who broke his duck for the season with a neat finish.

Then Leroy Foster did his Bruce Grobelaar wobbly legs past the OC defence and struck to make it 3-2 to MK.

But still Milton Keynes were not jolly.

As a wise man once said, you are never fully dressed without a smile. Milton Keynes were almost as naked as the subject of a Frazer McColl video.

Then they had their metaphorical pants pulled down and were left fully in flagrante.

While MK needed to be like Ben Northedge at a urinal - on their toes - they were as immobile as a sabotaged estate car.

OC's passed through Milton Keynes like an unidentified object through a tyre, then Myles Locke made an excellent tackle with his hand (on his stick) at a crucial moment and MK were relieved.

Until they looked up and saw a short corner had been given, which was duly converted.

3-4. Drat.

Milton Keynes soldiered on but it was not to be.

Coach Luke returns next week with the best points/game ratio in the squad, so MK are confident they'll take at least 1.75 points at home against Horsham.

"we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope" Romans 5: 3-4