Milton Keynes 1st XI 2 - 1 Bromley & Beckenham 1st XI
By Mikey Gilson
A game of defiance, a story of walls, and an analysis of grit
Following a harrowing defeat to the hawks last week, MK needed to return back down to earth. Yet to win a game, a new game plan was needed, a new approach had to be built. And that's exactly what Coach Luke did...
China- they have it great, Berlin had it until 1989, Trump wants the Mexicans to pay for it. The Oxford Dictionary (2007) defines this as a thing regarded as a protective or restrictive barrier. Whilst prolific in the history of time, these structures pale in comparison to the MK wall. Why, you may ask? Well, as the great Philosopher Rowling, J.K (2000) once said “We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.”
And united we were. Alone each of us are a mere brick, but together we create an insurmountable structure which draws fear at any opposition who dares to gaze.
Now... Unfortunately, B&Q (other retailers are available) had sold out of quick dry cement and a few gaps were left unfilled and damp. This resulted in Bromley & Beckenham (BromBecks for hereon in) drilling straight through the MK wall, and planting the ball in the back of the net.
0 - 1
However, as Borland, jeff et al. (2002) critiqued, is they get knocked down, do they get back up again? Well, as Chumbawamba states, in repetitive form, yes they do. Following this initial blip MK applied the poly-filler and proceeded to give BromBecks the Tubthumping that had been in the making.
With onslaught upon onslaught, chance upon chance BromBecks managed to hold their own. This was until Nick Anderson ACA FCA CA FCCA ACCA FCMA ACMA CGMA stepped up to the mark; following a flurry of shots in the D, Mr Anderson ACA FCA CA FCCA ACCA FCMA ACMA CGMA was able to throw himself into the mix, dummy one defender, dummy two, move onto his reverse stick and, at an angle more acute than the slice of pizza he never finished that night, slot the ball into the bottom corner.
To rub salt into the wounds of BromBecks, the goalscorer, raised one finger in the air, turned to the sideline and sought out to catch his father's eye. Their eyes locked and with a longing look of approval it was rumoured you could here him say - "see look dad, I am as good as my brother at hockey".
1 - 1
MK continued to be relentless, however, they simply couldn't break down BromBecks defence. Short corner after short corner were parried away. They realised, they need to do something different. This is when they switched to the second most important tactical play... score s***ty goals.
MK has be storing this short corner routine in the locker for a while now, but with it getting late in the second half they needed something special. It has taken years of practice to perfect this routine, almost to the point that anyone watching would think there was no plan what so ever and instead a desperate scramble to get the ball in. Alas, the ball was dragged out and following a pass, a miss-hit, a one-two, and genius movement it fell to Giacomo Palmiero (Loughborough Uni). Close to the penalty spot and with the keeper bearing down on him, instead of connecting with the ball full on and striking it full power, Giacomo had the temerity to, intentionally, top the ball so that it drifted over the logging keeper. Not only that, but he managed to add a bit of doosra spin to the ball, thwarting the defender who stood bravely behind the keeper and falling straight onto the stick of Mikey Gilson. Now any normal person would have just put the ball into the open goal straight ahead of him. But not Mikey Gilson! Showing true selfless commitment, Mikey amicably decided to pass the ball to the struggling forward Callum Kumar-Shaw (who was feeling deflated after a dubious green card). With a simple tap-in from two yards out...
2 - 1
Fifteen minutes to go and MK did not cease the attack. A special mention for Rob Shearer scoring an absolutely 'Worldey' deflection into the rigging from a hit in from a foul outside the D. However, celebrations were drawn short - literally. After careful review by the umpires, the ball was deemed to have travelled 4.67 yards, as apposed to the required 5 yards before entering the D.
This was shortly followed by Mr Shearer blasting the ball at lightning speed towards the goal. Unfortunately for MK, the wall lay right between the referee and Rob, deflecting the sound of the whistle so Rob was unable to hear it when it had been blown quite clearly 2 seconds earlier... Yellow card!
With 5 minutes to go this left MK with a wall, short of one of its strongest and largest bricks!! With hardinous and valour MK managed to hold the fort.
But MK being MK, decided the record crowds had to be given a final exhilarating breath of entertainment; with less than a minute remaining the international, Vince Pretorious, took the ball from our own 25 right down the wing. Now any other team may suggest to head for the corner and run down the clock. But no, Vincent had the bold audacity to drill the ball across the pitch into the D. Fortunately for MK, Vincent new there was only 10 seconds left. Hence, instead of shooting across the D he intentionally scuffed it as hard as he could off the baseline and the ball just kept rolling rolling rolling (Bizkit, L. 2000)
With one glance down, the umpire raised his hand to his mouth. Like a severely out of tune horn of Gondor, a high-pitched airy sound thundered across the pitch. MK had done it!
The first win of the season. The formidable wall... You shall not pass! (Tolkein, 1955).
N.b. You shall pass... the ball (Coach Luke, 2017)
MOM - Nick Anderson
DOD - Callum Kumar-Shaw
Borland, Jeff, et al. "They get knocked down: do they get up again?." Losing Work, Moving On. International Perspectives on Worker Displacement (2002).
Dictionary, O. E. (2007). Oxford English dictionary online.
Rowling, Joanne K., and Harry Potter. "the Goblet of Fire." London: Bloomsbury (2000).
Tolkien, J. R. R. (1955). The Lord of the Rings: One Volume. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.